Blogging through 2014 and through the 21 day Fast. Weekly Update
Blogging through 2014 and through the 21 day Fast. Weekly Update
2014. A new year. A new start. Goals, resolutions, and change. These are all the things I have done and started.
Bah humbug, is what my mind and my body are saying today.
1 week without TV. 3 days straight of working out. An unintentional fast. (I forgot to eat before my 530 dental filling) 1 week without Facebook.
Oh and some bumps in the road, moody people, some fears and anxiety a busy day at work.
So while waiting for 815 to eat dinner, (Which was one hour after my filling was complete. I was running late, which meant I had to share my dentist with the 6 pm appointment)- So while waiting for my opportunity to eat dinner, in my tired and hungry stupor, all that I wanted to do was watch TV to idly pass the time by.
But…I ..could not. Everything inside of me wanted to wish the 30 minutes away until I could eat.
My body was hungry. My mind was tired from a stressful workday and from being bored in the dentist office.
Yet in that very moment, I could not deal with life the way that I normally had. With what my normal coping mechanisms were. In that moment, I realized maybe I had an idea why my year had gotten so out of whack last year. Had I had many stressful work days where I came home and turned the TV on to idly pass the time by? To hurry and wish the time away?
I believe the answer is yes.
Why? To hide my fears and anxieties.
Also, I was HUNGRY. I could not think, nor did I have the energy to do anything else. So eating and watching TV, I thought, what a great combo!
That also made me wonder, how many times have I done this before that this is my go to coping, my answer.
I bet many times. I am shaking my head at myself.
I have a guess at why I was doing that. I have heard it said a few ways. From a recent sermon by Dr. David Jeremiah and I am paraphrasing someone he quoted:
Our Spirit longs for God’s spirit and when we don’t go to him with our fears and anxieties, we will begin to look for it in another ways. We will try to fill the longing of our souls with things that were never meant to free us or fulfill us. We end up rather than free, enslaved to that which we thought would free us. (addictions ranging from TV, porn, codependency, workaholisim, alcoholism, drug addiction, etc)
The way I like to put it is that we get spiritually lazy. Instead of eating healthy and working out our spirits, though prayer, reading our bible, and yes sometimes fasting, we go to “Burger King of our Souls” and have TV, food, relationships, Facebook, etc.
We go for fries instead of carrots. We go for fried food instead of fresh, healthy food.
Now I see clearly why I was so out of shape spiritually last year.
But what about this year? What about the 8 short days we have had? What about all of my Bah and humbug.
Through the heart to hearts that my Aunt has had with me, about my fears and anxieties. These heart to hearts, that have encouraged me to go to God first instead of fear, to be still before him, to trust Him, to live for Him, to live with nothing to hide, nothing to prove, nothing to gain, nothing to lose, and so much more. Through these talks, which have pierced my heart to give my life, my heart, my fears, my anxieties, and my gifts to Him, I have rededicated my life to God.
In doing so, so far, in these 8 past days, I have not only changed my spiritual diet, but have spiritually exercised.
Going from fast food, from TV, from facebook, from relationships to Christian Music, Christian sermons, daily prayer and bible time. I feel healthier. I know I have a long way to go. But God is not far away from anyone who wants Him. I now see it was not God that was hiding or who had turned away, but me. He was right there and is right here the whole time.
Through that today, although the body, the mind, the outside forces, caused me to cry- Bah Humbug, food, TV, this can’t be happening to me !! To feel a certain way, God’s spirit sustained me. His spirit inside of me.
I could feel His presence, have his Word tucked in my heart (some Rama, Sword of the Spirit), and hear that still small voice, saying , Be Still.
So Bah Humbug and Thanks be to God for sustaining me through the rocky places today.
creativame 